Friday, June 26, 2015

What's in a Name?

I was curious about my name. I saw this on Dean's blog and decided to try it. Yeah, I was bored too. lol

Surprisingly, it rings true for me. I don't know about 54 being my lucky number though.

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Courage? Retrospect

I was told I was very courageous a couple of days ago. My first thought was me! Courageous?? Funny, I don't think or feel that way. I'm down right miserable and terrified at times. I'm more like the Cowardly Lion from the Wizard of Oz.

I'm just getting by hopping troubles like a frog hops from water lily to water lily to keep from getting all wet. I actually had to stop and think what was I doing that could be considered courageous.

In the past few years I've had quite a few life altering events. My father's rapid onset dementia...what could be more challenging or heart breaking for a child? Granted I'm no little child on the outside, but deep inside, I still am. My stroke taking away half my body and my voice. Relearning how to do everything again or adapting ways to do 88% of what I used to do. My husband who was told by many doctors over the past thirteen years, "Any time now" finally reached the point of truly any time now. How I am still his caregiver.

Any one of these things could rock anybody's life off the tracks, but all at one time span of a year is insane. But yet I do realize that it can and does. And, it's happening to more than just me. I mean really, if I was the only one singled out to face all of this in the whole world... but statistically that would be like one person hitting the mega billion dollar just doesn't happen. So somewhere out there is a family who is suffering the same life altering events or worse.

Would I be selfish to say I take comfort in that fact? Although I really won't wish this on anyone else. That would just be hateful or possibly wishful thinking on my part. But then, I figure anyone else faced with the same set of circumstances would be doing the same thing. Why it seems courageous to others is the fact that they haven't been punched in the gut with them like I have.

What brought on all this retrospective analysis to a head was my physical therapist telling me to relax. I answered him back with a quick comeback of "what's that?" I said it in a joking manner.
Later as I was kicking back to take a nap, it dawned on me that I no longer knew how to totally relax. I mean even in sleep mode I'm always listening. A choking, gurgling sound, or a tinkle of the goat bell, bed/oxygen alarms, power failures, or even the sound of fart coming from the other room and I'm wide awake, donning my brace to go check. It's actually a scary thought. I'm like the Lion when Toto confronts him.

Even in therapy when they sandwich my arm in heat packs before needling, I feel tinges of guilt like I shouldn't be lying there doing nothing. I should be doing something. If I doze off during the early evening trying to read something a blogger has said because I'm so exhausted, I feel as if I didn't do enough. It's no use telling me there's nothing to feel guilty about. Enough about that.

You know my tagline of "nothing is impossible." This is where it stems from and I guess that's why others see me as courageous, strong, or even inspirational. I can't take the credit for any of it.

So now you know.

Tuesday, June 16, 2015

Stop The Presses! Welcome Connor!

Y'all welcome and give a heart cheer to Baby Connor Ismue Behan born 8 lbs 5 oz. 20 1/4 in. Both my daughter and son are doing well.

I thought Isume was an unusual name but in in Japanese Izume means to Spring to to spring forth, but I think the kids named him Isume after his paternal great grandfather. Either way it fits this boy to a T.

Welcome to the world Connor!

Thursday, May 28, 2015


In happier times
Condolences to Diane of The Pink House on the Corner blog. Over the past three years I've blogged about her and her husband, Bob. She was his caregiver after his massive stroke. He passed into his next stage of life this morning.

Today has been a slew of emails sent back and forth between the rest of the stroke tribe. What can we do for her? Does anyone know her real last name? What is her mailing address? She just moved into a handicap remodeled house for Bob not four months ago. Anybody have her phone number? It's been over an eleven-hour conversation and will continue because we care.

The internet is great. We live our lives here (most of us). We develop friendships and some long lasting ones. That's the way it has been for me for almost thirty years. This is the main problem with virtual friends when we actually want to be there.

Through her blog, we've traveled many a hilly road together. The ups and downs, we've offered her the support of listening ears and sometimes financial help by donating on her site. We were invested in her and Bob. Isn't that what following a blog does?

Same as this blog, readers watch for updates and news. Now I realize some readers are just passers-by, but I also have readers  who truly care what is happening at the Murphey Saga household. I know I can count on them for virtual hugs and prayers. Diane was one of these. So my heart aches for her at losing her beloved. I don't truly know her pain yet, but it's coming. I've shed tears of grief and joy for the both of them today. For Bob, his pain and suffering is over. He can again laugh, speak, move, and be the Bob that was always inside of him after his stroke. For Diane, there is an out pouring sense of loss that I know she's feeling.

When I think of the two of them, in my mind plays the song by John Mellencamp, Jack and Diane, but for some reason I always substitute Jack for Bob. They were such free loving people before the stroke devastated their family. That's the way I see them.

Diane, Huggggs! I'll be there if you need to talk.

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Quick update

Thanks all! 
My DH seems to be rallying this week her managed to fill a whole urinal yesterday, but that's what four kidneys will get you. Yes he has 4 kidneys. It is thought he absorb his twin en utero. His pain levels have dropped to five out of ten with the he feels more human. I bought a goat bell so I can hear him if he needs me. All he has to do is push it across the bed table and I'll hear it even when I'm outside. Yes, it's that loud. Scares the cats and dogs. Each day we take the time to live, laugh, and love every moment we can.

Our youngest is in labor with her son, Connor. In fact she's been in labor with contractions five minutes apart for over a week now. The doctor is waiting until her water breaks before doing a c-section. He giving Connor every moment he can to give the baby time to strengthen and age before delivering him. Our daughter isn't due until June 16th.

Me, I'm hanging in there. I'm still doing my dry needling with Botox injections on the 4th. Yes, I'm going to do another series of shots. There's just too much going on to even try to do without. My forward progress has stopped and am now on maintenance to stop the pain so I'm pain free. A huge blessing especially now.

Take care all.